efrem oshinsky

 

    dear readers, the visions continue. 

    in finding photos for my previous blog post, i was searching my computer. i wanted to include a photo of transmission towers to illustrate their beauty, preferably an image that looked like a linocut print. please visit my latest post if you cannot recall which one i chose. in order to credit the poster, i first found where i had saved it on my pinterest, then followed the source to efrem oshinsky on flikr. i started scrolling through his photos, of varying subjects and qualities. some look like primitive iphone snapshots, others high-quality edited photographs. together they add up to 3,597 photos, spanned over 36 viewable pages and 12 years. at the top of this section i have included his “self-portrait” from december 10 2009, “somewhere along the I-235 south”. 

    there are photos of multiple dogs, photos from concerts, from a trip to europe, his apartment, madison square garden. there are photos of paintings, photos of posters, photos of lino prints and lino stamps, photos of cameras, even photos of other photos. the majority are taken in new york and new jersey. this, undoubtably combined with the 2000s camera quality, contributes to an unshakable and incredible nostalgia for these memories i don’t even have. 

    the linocut print photo links to a source photo, also by efrem. on the 27th and 31st pages, he elaborates with more photographs of powerlines in motion, some of which i have included. i get that he is the kind to understand the attraction to transmission towers. he is a master of devotion, one of the few people left who hold the kind of eyes i trust to view the world. 

    i have learned so much about him from these many photos. he lives in jersey city with a girl named eve and he has a brother named matt. he calls his grandparents bubby and poppy and they live in or vacation in los gatos. he is a self proclaimed xylographile, painting and making linocuts. he has remarkable sideburns and a peculiar sense of fashion. he sees the beauty in hands, even his own. he is devoted to eve, his muse. he has a good library and a subtle sense of humor. he can distinguish the different types of columns. 

"eve late at night”, july 2007

    i’m particularly taken with eve. i have also learned about her. she does not like the rain. she drinks tea every morning. she lets bailey, their beagle, sleep in bed with her. she loves to drive. the two of them visit the new york botanical garden frequently. she is a photographer herself, constantly loading her pentax or shopping for camera supplies on ebay. her flikr page is even longer than efrem’s, with 4,621 photos. in many ways she is more interesting than him, photographing the city, the dog, moments from various filming sets, protests, the snow, and the anti-war batmobile*, of course.

    i feel so blessed to have discovered this couple. i feel almost that i should write to them. i always have strong urges to write to mysterious strangers. the new tenants of my old friend’s houses who’s addresses i still know. matthew xata (post on him soon to come). efrem oshinsky and eve rametta. once i found a note in a library book of photography that had a call number and a phone number written down. i’ve been meaning to give them a ring. what feels most special is to witness how they see each other through how they photograph each other. i think their love is palpable, evident in the beauty they enshrine each other in. i could fall in love with either one of them from these photos, i’ll leave some examples below. i believe this is why amateur photography will always move me deeper than professional. the emotions are imbued into personal photographs, the moment candid, the memory secured. 

    at some point a dog called olive replaces bailey. i cant imagine how sad they must’ve been. it seems they are still happy together, perhaps married although i find no concrete indication. now, efrem is a  voice actor and has continued making prints. i’ve linked to his website, along with eve’s and efrem’s flikrs. eve now owns a dog care company and together they have a podcast about pets. it seems they’re moving to australia, and i couldn’t be happier for them. 

eve’s grandmothers house 

    i’m always looking for signs. everything interesting or strange that happens, every unexpected moment or awkward conversation or joyful revelation is a sign. these are signs of godliness, of the ever presence of love, signs from the future, signs from the past, signs of the preciousness of life. signs of my own uniqueness, my destiny, signs that i’m not alone, and it’ll be alright. i believe that efrem and eve are themselves a sign. i sign to return to my snowy home. a sign to take pride in both quality and shitty photos, a sign to take more and let more be taken of me. a sign to hug my dog more, to be both muse and artist, to go to the beach, to date every photograph, to believe in a greater pattern. to believe in the idea that things might be meant to be. they’re a sign that i could have a life like them, but it’s up to me if i choose to take it. 

    maybe it’s a sign to post more things online so in ten or twenty years a stranger will see me life through my eyes in 4,000 photos. maybe i should download all my photos on a hard drive and hide it and make a treasure hunt. maybe someone will learn about me from afar, or see themselves reflected through my view of the world. there’s something so magical about the permanency of the internet. it’s the best way to manifest your visions, because it is immortal and will hold onto our dreams eternally. i don’t believe in the obsession with legacies or fame, but this blog will be my way of casting my dreams and visions into the cyberspace future. it’s my way of saying to the world (to accidentally paraphrase harlan ellison) that i was here, and for the time that i was around, i mattered, and these things mattered to me.

below i’ve included some of my favorite photos from their respective accounts.

EO: somewhere along the new jersey turnpike and source photo for lino stamp, 2007

EO: eve at the botanical garden, feb 2009 and “rocket girl”, jan 30, 2010

EO: self portrait from may 2, 2010 and “drawn on a takeout napkin”, early june, 2007

EO: sandy hook nj, sept 2007 and ER: bailey and efrem on the beach, sept 2007

ER: efrem pulling prints in the basement, march 2009 and efrem on the phone, march 2007

ER: “the invisible man speaking with a monarch butterfly”, 2006 and anti-war batmobile*

ER: actors clapping, dec 11 2006, and eve and efrem’s fridge, jan 17, 2007

ER: these last two photos made me deeply emotional because i have nearly identical pictures from my own life. i’ve already flooded this post with photos so i will spare you from more, but each one represents a lover i’ve had the privilege of spending my life with. i cannot help feeling attached to efrem and eve, and i’m sending my love to them in australia.

    in love and internet immortality, 

    ek

—

photo credit to efrem oshinsky and eve rametta on flikr

friendship, powerlines, and visions

    hello readers, i am currently a little buzzed in my room and eating a teriyaki chicken poke bowl from safeway. i have been watching hitomi mochuzuki all night like she is ram dass, and i am having a lot of thoughts that i would like to share with you. the above photo is unrelated, but one of my favorite images in the world. 

1. frienship

    i’m having a lot of trouble these days with friendship. i have many acquaintances, many friend crushes, and a few close deep friendships, but i feel like something is missing. whenever i’m among acquaintances, i emphasize other acquaintances to appear like i have a real social network. it’s not for lack of vision or effort (maybe); i have clear intentions and dreams for what i want in friendships. it’s not even necessarily that i think those kinds of people don’t exist around me. i just feel disconnected, like there’s a language barrier. for many years i have felt paralyzed by anxiety and difficulty making friends. in high school, it was easier because it had so much structure and proximity. the people who became my friends were the people i had class with every day. in college, there’s more pressure and more complexity, and i’ve been struggling a lot with making friends. 

    however, i think i need to change my approach. i need to put more effort into the friendships i have now to deepen the level of intimacy. i need to truly tap into what about myself i love, what parts make a good friend, and what i can improve on. i need to make more of an effort to reach out to people and admit my love for them. i need to put myself out there more, going to more events, doing things that put me out of my comfort zone and let me be courageous. i need to be more present as a friend to myself, and be more intentional about alone time and self care. i need to connect more with my family and friends abroad. as always, my visions guide me towards change, so i learn from hitomi in the meantime and anticipate movement on this soon.

2. powerlines

    i have recently become completely enraptured with powerlines. transmission towers, to be exact. there are many different shapes and kinds of towers (also called pylons), but i think they are among the most beautiful creatures on the face of the earth. i have decided that i want to get three transmission towers tattooed along on my side. they remind me of angels, a feat of human innovation and connection. they supply us with the ability to live and connect with each other. they are the phone operator, the blind-date-facilitator, the illuminator, the protector. for years they have been the gentle giants that quietly hum in the background of all my memories, that sing me to sleep and guard me from danger. they nurture me, while reminding me of my smallness, for they are so big and their footsteps so long. it helps that they look like angels, wings spread and hands open, even having an “eye” on top.

    i will always remember the power lines near the summer camp i grew up attending. every summer night was spent under the patient and watchful eye of the transmission towers as they sat peacefully in their linear meadows. they stretch the sky and bend the horizon- omnipresent throughout my childhood. 

    tomorrow i am on a pilgrimage to the transmission towers in the santa cruz hills. i want to photograph and draw them in preparation for linocut i plan to make, which i hope to one day get tattooed (inspiration picture posted above). i have an ethos about tattooing that i must wait at least a year before getting a certain idea tattooed, to give me time to test the longevity of my love for it. many have failed the test of time, and i keep track of which other ones i’m still invested in. i’m only a few weeks into wanting a transmission tower tattoo, but i’ll keep you updated if it happens. regardless of the tattoo, i may end up posting some transmission tower drawings soon.

  

3. (godly) visions

    when i think about transmission towers, i think of angels, and when i think of angels i think of god. the boy sitting next to me on the bus a few days ago was clearly on the same page as me. when i looked over at him, he was balancing his computer on his knee, flipping through tabs. first it was a wikipedia page on progress theology, then on monasticism, then the high church, and finally a page on presbyterian polity. i’ve linked the pages here so you can get a sense of his vibe. somewhere between those articles, he was listening to the james bond theme on youtube. 

    i felt like i had seen something i shouldn’t have, not because i was creeping over his shoulder but because it felt like something divine. the kid only looked about 13 years old, but was reading about god on wikipedia on the bus. it felt a lot like i was in a simulation, or that i was witnessing enlightenment or one of those The-universe-is-self-aware moments. maybe i see god in too much- in the buses, in wikipedia, in a curious young boy. i can’t quite explain it, but this moment has impacted me profoundly. i have many other visions beyond friends, powerlines, or divine wikipedia pages, but i’ll leave those to come. 

    in love and friendship, 

    ek

—

photo credit in order: tumblr, my photo from philly magic gardens, efrem oshinsky on flikr, various pinterest sources

getting devotional

    dearest readers, 

    welcome to my blog where i get devotional! the most fitting thing i can think of to kick off this blog is an explanation of the title. i’ve been a fan of jonathon ng for many years now, from eden project to eden industries. the seventh song of his fifth album (as EDEN) is called PS1. it’s not my absolute favorite song of his— probably among my top five. i’ll be the first to admit that all of his songs kind of sound the same, but what’s unique about this song is the backing vocals at the very end.

here’s a studio and live version.

beginning at 3:23:

    peak sunrise from the hotel

    and you were by my side

    you stayed there the whole night

    it’s nothing, I don’t wanna get devotional

    you see what you wanna see

    3:37 — the penultimate line, is one of the most beautifully sung lines i think i’ve ever heard. i remember the exact moment i noticed this line. i had probably heard the song a hundred times already, even seeing him perform the record live. but late one night last summer, i was stoned in my bed and binging his albums. it’s hard to describe how music feels when i’m high, but my best attempt is so say that it becomes 3d. instead of hearing an individual song, i can hear and see each track. i can understand lyrics better, and notice tiny hidden beats or adlibs, even in songs i know inside and out. with my eyes closed, music starts looking like patterns of shapes and colors. i often feel physical sensations, like my chest opening, my skin tingling, or the feeling like someone is lifting me up from under my abdomen. 

    i digress, but this line stuck with me. i understand the post-heartbreak apathy, but i decidedly do want to get devotional. i am not a religious person, but i’m constantly looking for opportunities to get existential, to be moved to tears in public, and to feel a greater presence in my life. i have a lot of complex thoughts about god, dreams, the universe, and other topics that i hope to get into on this blog. i have a lot of theories and ambitions to remain open-hearted in the world. just the other day, while free-bleeding on my period, i felt profoundly that i am truly soft and wet and open to the beauty of life on earth. it reminded me of that quote:

    when you drop the act, the world comes rushing to you wide open and wet. 

    i think we should all practice being more open and more wet. for now, i stay devotional. this blog will be a love journal of sorts, a diary of my experiences and observations that bring me back to love, awe, curiosity, and devotion. i have song recommendations, social theories, diary reflections, love confessions, amusing updates, photography and art both personally created and scavenged. it has become my life work to get devotional, in spite of my beloved jon, so i appreciate you being here to lay witness to it all. 

    in love and anticipation, 

    ek 

— 

cover photo taken by my dear father many years ago