getting devotional

    dearest readers, 

    welcome to my blog where i get devotional! the most fitting thing i can think of to kick off this blog is an explanation of the title. i’ve been a fan of jonathon ng for many years now, from eden project to eden industries. the seventh song of his fifth album (as EDEN) is called PS1. it’s not my absolute favorite song of his— probably among my top five. i’ll be the first to admit that all of his songs kind of sound the same, but what’s unique about this song is the backing vocals at the very end.

here’s a studio and live version.

beginning at 3:23:

    peak sunrise from the hotel

    and you were by my side

    you stayed there the whole night

    it’s nothing, I don’t wanna get devotional

    you see what you wanna see

    3:37 — the penultimate line, is one of the most beautifully sung lines i think i’ve ever heard. i remember the exact moment i noticed this line. i had probably heard the song a hundred times already, even seeing him perform the record live. but late one night last summer, i was stoned in my bed and binging his albums. it’s hard to describe how music feels when i’m high, but my best attempt is so say that it becomes 3d. instead of hearing an individual song, i can hear and see each track. i can understand lyrics better, and notice tiny hidden beats or adlibs, even in songs i know inside and out. with my eyes closed, music starts looking like patterns of shapes and colors. i often feel physical sensations, like my chest opening, my skin tingling, or the feeling like someone is lifting me up from under my abdomen. 

    i digress, but this line stuck with me. i understand the post-heartbreak apathy, but i decidedly do want to get devotional. i am not a religious person, but i’m constantly looking for opportunities to get existential, to be moved to tears in public, and to feel a greater presence in my life. i have a lot of complex thoughts about god, dreams, the universe, and other topics that i hope to get into on this blog. i have a lot of theories and ambitions to remain open-hearted in the world. just the other day, while free-bleeding on my period, i felt profoundly that i am truly soft and wet and open to the beauty of life on earth. it reminded me of that quote:

    when you drop the act, the world comes rushing to you wide open and wet. 

    i think we should all practice being more open and more wet. for now, i stay devotional. this blog will be a love journal of sorts, a diary of my experiences and observations that bring me back to love, awe, curiosity, and devotion. i have song recommendations, social theories, diary reflections, love confessions, amusing updates, photography and art both personally created and scavenged. it has become my life work to get devotional, in spite of my beloved jon, so i appreciate you being here to lay witness to it all. 

    in love and anticipation, 

    ek 

— 

cover photo taken by my dear father many years ago